AHHHH!!!

Friends, I’m writing to advise you on a serious problem. It’s something that threatens to significantly disrupt and dorkify the way we interact online. The problem is larger than we originally thought and it’s getting much worse every year.

Our parents are going online.

The dangers posed by this threatening situation are clear:

• They can see your history folder
• They can see the pictures of that bong hit you did at that party you can’t remember
• But most importantly, they have the potential to make the internet dull again

As a public service to blog readers, here are some important signals to be aware of. Signs that your boomer parents are learning how to use the internet:

1. They’re picking up your lingo. They no longer say, “I’m going online on the web to surf the internet”. For+UnA+Ely +HEy 5+1LL C4N'T Re4d L33t 5P3@k.

2. They’re surprisingly high-functioning when it comes to executing simple commands. This one scares me because my parents no longer ask questions like “how do I open a website?” or “how do I reply to an email?” However, I am still asked “how do I reload the printer?”

3. They add you on Facebook and expect you to accept their friend request.

4. They have successfully downloaded an attachment from an email. Unfortunately the attachment was 10mb and Windows crashed when attempting to open it

5. They understand that the internet comes through a wire, not magically through the air around us

6. They frequently remark about how web-savvy they are when compared to their other old friends.

7. They no longer harangue you about music and video downloading because they learned it’s ‘not illegal’ in Canada.

8. Through numerous Chris Hansen ‘To Catch a Predator’ Dateline segments they have learned never to enter a chat room or engage in web networking of any kind.

9. They checked the movie listings for the Sex and the City movie online.

10. They have seen a video from YouTube. Fortunately they don’t understand Millenials’ refined sense of humour and didn’t find the video that funny. They will never return to YouTube.

Additional warning signs are explained in a recent emergency report by JWT Boom, an agency specializing in midlife marketing.

You’ve been warned.